Cutting Loose, Letting Go

I've been wanting to do something to break me out of my musical rut for awhile. You see I have several problems with expressing myself. I have plenty of desire to express myself. I just can't seem to "let go" and do it. So I've decided to take the opposite approach I usually do. I'm going to actually go out and do something that I don't think is logical and, quite frankly scares me.
Next financial windfall. I'm going to go and get a drum kit. A good, old fashioned, loud-as-hell drum kit.
This is important for many reasons. The musical reasons are actually pretty logical. Percussion, the beat, the groove is one of the most important elements in music. Percussion is likely the first type of music we developed as a species. It mystifies and escapes me because of my rigid approach to music (and life in general). I have always felt that an understanding, or appreciate of how the beat meshes with the rest of music was just beyond my grasp. So how do you learn more about it...musically you try and do it.
Now most of the reasons this upcoming purchase is important are mental. I've always seen drummers or percussions as kind of wild and free (at least in popular music context). They kind of represent a "letting go". I realize drumming is complex as any part of music, but it seems to be one where you really have to let go to do it correctly.
Then there are the fears. Years ago I know someone who dabbled in percussion.Not a "serious" percussionist. Just some bongos and spoons...yet it still sounded very cool. Well, life got difficult for him...downright scary in parts. So, I've kind of associated (unjustly to be sure) percussion with a little bit of madness. Not a positive "letting go" but a negative version. So actually playing some drums will help me get over the clearly illogical fear that letting go in a musical sense means letting go in a mental sense.
Then there is the fear of people hearing me...not so much hear me as hear messing up and trying to practice things. I feel like people shouldn't ever hear me unless I'm perfect. Actually the perfectionism--while not a fear is another obstacle to overcome. I cut myself from activities where I'm not sure how good or bad I'll do. I stick to the "safety" of the trodden path...even if it's something I enjoy purely for it's own sake. However, in this case the fun outweighs the perfectionism. I'm just going to go for...if I ever get good, great. If not, I'll at least have tried.
In lots of ways, getting into percussion is affirmation to me...a sign I'm getting away from old modes of thinking. I just like making music, whether by drum, by guitar, keyboard or kazoo (well maybe not the last one).
Of course it's easy to say this now. I usually have a good way overthinking things and backing out of risk taking. I can't do that this time. This time I just have to let go (in a good way) and let things develop.