I've been feeling confused about myself and my interests. Part of this blog was to find some clarity. While I was writing in my journal this morning, I wrote the following paragraph:
Thing is I feel confused and all--but really, I know who and what I am. I am an artist. I am a scientist. I love the beauty of nature and the beauty of man. I explore the creation and create. I am Joshua Twain Pappas, explorer.
I felt a bit better just by writing this down, so I also reposted it up here.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Finger in the wind (not that finger)
Well, after free-floating the last couple of weeks, I've got direction of a sort. One thing I'm trying to do is to "do" more and plan less. This will entail some changes for this space. I've spent a lot of time in this space laying out some of my plans. Planning for my plans, etc.
I'm hoping to put up more essays on various subjects...not just music, though that will still be the subject of many a post. Music is still the most important thing in my life, hence it will be an important part of the blog. I'm going to start including other subjects that interest me as well -- other art forms, technology, history. I'm a curious explorer type, so pretty much anything might come up.
I'll wrap up some of the matters I raised in my last post here. I'm not feeling as down or melancholy as I was in the last post. I'm taking the approach that I'm going to try and just indulge my interests for their own sakes and see where they lead me. So, I've been playing my guitars again...just for my own pleasure though. No big plans for that the moment. No setting up a studio or writing a huge, complex masterpiece. I'm just going to try and get better. Maybe good enough to write some songs, but I'm not going to push it. Right now, I just need to get my calluses back.
I'm going to try not to debate how my interests will look to other people...something I used to do all the time. For one thing, I'm just not that special. Everybody on the planet is not scrutinizing my every move. Even if they were, I need to think who cares? Do I really want always living in reaction to someone's opinion of me or what I do? That's a crux of the biscuit...I'm confused and don't know who I am because I keep trying to fill in what I think other people will think. Since this varies from person to person, it can get really confusing. I need to quit wasting my time and energy on it and concentrate on just being. Life is too short and I've already wasted enough time thrashing around. Of course, it's easy to say (or in this case write) that things will be different. It is quite different to put this into practice.
I'm still optimistic I will do fine. I'm feeling more adventurous everyday. I love letting a sense of wonder rule my pursuits. I've also realized I really enjoy solving problems...mainly on computer at this point. Still, I think that's something else I will be exploring in the future. I'm actually looking at that for a focal point to manage some sort of career change. At the moment, I'm not much of a problem solver...it's more mechanics. Maybe I'll find a problem-solving career to get into...who knows? All I know is the winds are starting to pick up. I'll be able to catch the next breeze. Floating -- with direction.
I'm hoping to put up more essays on various subjects...not just music, though that will still be the subject of many a post. Music is still the most important thing in my life, hence it will be an important part of the blog. I'm going to start including other subjects that interest me as well -- other art forms, technology, history. I'm a curious explorer type, so pretty much anything might come up.
I'll wrap up some of the matters I raised in my last post here. I'm not feeling as down or melancholy as I was in the last post. I'm taking the approach that I'm going to try and just indulge my interests for their own sakes and see where they lead me. So, I've been playing my guitars again...just for my own pleasure though. No big plans for that the moment. No setting up a studio or writing a huge, complex masterpiece. I'm just going to try and get better. Maybe good enough to write some songs, but I'm not going to push it. Right now, I just need to get my calluses back.
I'm going to try not to debate how my interests will look to other people...something I used to do all the time. For one thing, I'm just not that special. Everybody on the planet is not scrutinizing my every move. Even if they were, I need to think who cares? Do I really want always living in reaction to someone's opinion of me or what I do? That's a crux of the biscuit...I'm confused and don't know who I am because I keep trying to fill in what I think other people will think. Since this varies from person to person, it can get really confusing. I need to quit wasting my time and energy on it and concentrate on just being. Life is too short and I've already wasted enough time thrashing around. Of course, it's easy to say (or in this case write) that things will be different. It is quite different to put this into practice.
I'm still optimistic I will do fine. I'm feeling more adventurous everyday. I love letting a sense of wonder rule my pursuits. I've also realized I really enjoy solving problems...mainly on computer at this point. Still, I think that's something else I will be exploring in the future. I'm actually looking at that for a focal point to manage some sort of career change. At the moment, I'm not much of a problem solver...it's more mechanics. Maybe I'll find a problem-solving career to get into...who knows? All I know is the winds are starting to pick up. I'll be able to catch the next breeze. Floating -- with direction.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
